Would you do it on a stage?

Helping with the box office for my ‘home theater’ during the current production of Seussical, The Musical, i was asked to do the curtain speech.  This is that annoying (but legally necessary) bit where the audience is instructed to turn off noisy things, shown the fire exits and whatnot.

Given that i despise overly long curtain speeches, with a director* standing on the stage, reading items from the program (such as next seasons schedule), or whining interminably about the need for money, this was a nice chance to set a new world record.

Also, because this was a Seuss-related event, i took a half-hearted run at a Seuss-esque rhyme for the key messages:

Before our show can truly start,
        some important words i must impart
Taking flash photos with your photo gee-gaw
        is not only rude, it’s against the law!
The show will go quickly, intermission we’ll take!
        fifteen minutes for cookies, and merciful potty break!
In case of fire, danger or fright,
        exits are here and here, on the left and right**
Please turn off your pagers, blackberries and phones
        we don’t need to hear your clever ringtones!
One last thing before i have to go,
        Thank you for coming! please enjoy the show!

There was one other bit of information i was asked to mention, which wasn’t quite suitable for the rhyme.  A key contributor to our theater – the kind gentleman who donated the building we share with a senior citizens center – passed away last week.  I made a short mention, but what i really wanted to say… 

At this theatre, our hearts do sag
        We’ve lost our favorite money bag…
No shotguns or handguns, no terrible fright
        He just never woke up after sleeping all night…




* i was standing in for our Board of Directors president.  He clocks in at around 10 minutes every night.  i can’t say much to him because i’m sucking up – there’s a show i must do next year, and he’s directing. 

** Complete with the flight attendant “glued together double finger point” at the exits

the lovely “Cat in the Hat meets Grateful Dead” drawing is from a mural in Illinois (i believe), and was lifted from here….

17 thoughts on “Would you do it on a stage?

  1. Pingback: Would you do it on a stage?

  2. Yes, I think so.

    Top Seuss-esque rhyme girl! It put a big cat in the hat smile on my face! I think we should all have to write a Suess blog at least once a year.

    P.S. Roast beast is a feast I can’t stand in the least and I think MiL has it on the menu tonight.

  3. Brilliant!!!

    All you who draw your prose in rhyme,
    I’ll come and read you every time!
    Not merely once, but thrice or fourth
    will I imbibe, forsooth, of courth!*

    *why I’m not a poet. *nod*

  4. I have never had the urge to get in front of the footlights – I much prefer playing with them – oh, and the overhead lights and spots as well 🙂

    Always sad to read of the passing of a patron, though

  5. bb – According to the official Seuss website (annoying music warning), Dr. Seuss was born on 2 March 1904. Perhaps a proposal for a Seuss-blog day for next year is in order?

    awalkabout – thanks! nice try, as ‘fourth’ and ‘orange’ are two quite difficult words to rhyme…

    az – got to do it again tonight, since the Board President was still fighting a cold… the cast was cheering me on tonight!

    bob – “first let’s kill all the lawyers” (excepting awalkabout, of course, because she’s a good one).

    paisley – my delivery was slightly better tonight, and got a few more laughs. perhaps it was the two beers, and two shots of tequila i’d had for dinner?

    uw – That’s a scream! My favorite Seuss moment? It’s low quality video, but Jesse Jackson reading Green Eggs and Ham always moves me…

    archie – ah, a techie. where the true power in the theater lies…

    uncle keith – recording the announcement is an option, but it never seems to get much traction in these parts. even many of the professional companies do it live…

  6. nm – it was fun! i got to do it again this afternoon. suspect i’ll now be called on to do ‘curtain speech’ duty more often… no skill goes unexploited in the world of community theater.

    az – i’ve put it on my calendar for next February. assuming my ‘outlook’ remains stable…

  7. gullybogan – welcome to The Park! hope you enjoy the show! Maybe it’s just the US, but it is required for such gatherings. At the cinema, it’s done as part of the movie trailer before the show…

  8. I refuse to write a rhyme,
    cuz it’s a giant waste of my time.
    I will continue to speak as I like,
    So screw you!

  9. Empress – Yo! Be-atch! Missed you! love your rhyme. i totally should have done that on stage. As it was, i think our board prez was having a stroke…

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