yoda speaks…



“Annoying are you, daisyfae.  Out of my car you shall get…”

I’ve had a delightful opportunity to hang with yoda this week.  At the workshop, i’ve enjoyed watching the reaction of the attendees whenever he speaks… from the back of the room, i would see people talking, getting up for coffee, surfing the web* while presentations were underway.  Yet as soon as the unmistakable voice of yoda was heard commenting, or raising a question?  Silence.  No fingers clicking away on keyboards, conversations cease.  All heads turn to hear the soft, yet poignant words of the master.  This was almost always followed by some groupie saying loudly “Great comment – i couldn’t agree more.  And furthermore…” at which point, heads again nod in Blackberry prayer and people resume their surfing, e-mail and conversations. 

After another round of ridiculous quantities of alcohol, joining the band as guest artist, and other stupid behavior networking late last night, i was up at the festive hour of 5 am.  Prior to my late night excursion into the underbelly of Retired, Over-Cooked Yuppie Central, i had agreed to join yoda on a sunrise excursion with a small gaggle of loyal followers into the Joshua Tree National Park.   With just 3 hours of shut eye, i dutifully reported to the lobby for our jedi adventure. 

He and i are known for our arguments.  Not real disagreements, but debates executed as forensics training.  Neither one of us may believe firmly in our position du jour, but we joust for the sport of it.  After one particularly viscious bout, he attempted to leave me at a seedy truck stop, 2 hours from our destination**.   I had annoyed him beyond his ability to drive.  As he paid the tab, i mentioned that i was going to the counter – populated by large, gruff gentlemen – and would start to cry.  I further informed him that i would explain my circumstances to the nice, sympathetic truck drivers, and hitch a ride.  Wisely, yoda allowed me to return to the car, and all was resolved.

This morning?  Not a hint of disagreement.  The sunrise was breathtaking, and worth the lost sleep.  I think yoda was delighted that he could provide an experience so overwhelming that i was left speechless.  This time?  I was not banished from the car.

And the lesson learned by this young warrior?  Drinkin’ and whorin’ brings tranquility to young jedi – and a tranquil young jedi brings tranquility to the master.


*how rude!  can you believe that?

**my version of events.  his version is quite different.  both are amusing.  neither are particularly accurate…

12 thoughts on “yoda speaks…

  1. I heard that while Yodi isn’t exactly hung, he knows how to use his light saber. Hence his quote, “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. “

  2. bent – until death of brain cells and abscence of water in body make head hurt, hmmm?

    uncle keith – Yoda overcompensates with the light sabre? Fascinating. Never occurred to me before…

    kyknoord – he was terrified that he’d be knifed before he made it to the car. “jedi this yoda…”

    nm – see above. a true jedi knows that sometimes there is strength in weakness. and weakness in strength. (hey…. i was being a smartass, but that was pretty good!)

    toby – would have had to pull a nose hair (theatrical trick) to actually do it. fortunately, he saw the light…

  3. Yoda. Hah. Palease, we all take craps bigger than that green football head. You should have lit him on fire and thrown him at the door of the Waffle House. Or, keyed his All Terrain Scout Transport. Well, that’s just what i would do after drinking KOTOR2 all evening. Actually I probably would’ve called a cab.

  4. az – we did spend some time discussing the Carradine family, but he’s more yoda than kung fu master…

    eastcoastcarol – somehow i always suspected he saves his wisdom for his professional activities. i’m guessing that at home he watches NASCAR, grunts and scratches and devours People magazine when no one except you can see him… cloak of invisibility and all that…

    uw – afraid the folks at the Waffle House would have filed charges… but i like the way you think!

    toby – be sure to read her rant about small wieners. a classic…

  5. Pingback: Cleaning house… « Trailer Park Refugee

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