Without doubt, it is extremely satisfying to rant and rage about outrageous and stupid behavior. In fact, this seems to provide significant fuel for the worldwide blogging community. This is a good thing, as the release of anger and frustration may prevent workplace violence and road rage. And, as an added bonus, it’s generally funny as hell…
As I was making my fourth boneheaded maneuver this morning – before I even made it to work – a teeny-tiny, very scary lightbulb appeared over my head….
On my way to a doc appointment before work, the “you’re an idiot and are about to run out of gas” warning light came on, making it urgent to find a gas station on unfamiliar turf. Successful in my quest, i left the gas station and headed to work. Not knowing the traffic patterns, i realized that with rush hour traffic it might be hours before i could make a direct left turn from the station. I conceded defeat, signaled, and waited for an opening – planning a u-turn to recover.
As an unexpected opening appeared in both directions, I lurched into the gap, squealing my tires, turning left with my right turn signal blazing. A fleeting glance in my rear view mirror gave a glimpse of the driver behind me – shaking his head in disbelief.
He is, at this very moment, blogging furiously about the idiot bimbo in the pimp-gold shitmobile who should be banned from the roads, if not the entire planet.
And it wasn’t even 8:30 am….
Arriving at my exit, I was waiting my turn at the entry gate. Reaching for my all-powerful “smart card”, I immediately realized that it was at home, resting comfortably in my laptop*.
Fortunately, I quickly realized the need turn around, and executed a spectacular asshole maneuver before reaching the gate! I proceeded to circle completely around the cloverleaf, returning to the highway from whence I came – no doubt, fueling more blogs in the process….
The miraculous thing? Once I made it to the office, I had an unusually productive day. Swashbuckling my way through a gauntlet of red tape and bureaucracy, and winning a shiny gold medal in the urinary olympics du jour!
But alas, there is a law regarding conservation of functionality. For every victory at the office, I had a cosmic fart in my personal life today. And they continued after I headed home…
One of my duties backstage is to provide snacks for cast and crew. Rather than stop at the store on my way home – while still cleverly disguised as a responsible adult – I decided to stop en route to rehearsal. As I was getting out of my car in the parking lot, I realized that I must look absurd – wearing camo pajama pants, a tank top, black socks and sport sandals (typical backstage gear). Making this worse? Tonight was “head shot” night (no, not like that… individual photos are taken for the lobby boards). I had done my hair and makeup, and was wearing the gigantic hoop earrings used for my cameo appearance…
Pushing a shopping cart, I looked like a hooker running personal errands between tricks.
Needless to say, there is some local woman, blogging her outraged little heart out tonight about the complete breakdown of society due to the lack of fashion sense demonstrated by her slovenly neighbors….
So as I sat backstage, drafting this on my blackberry, there came the most frightening realization of all…
Could it be that some member of my family has a secret blog, documenting the arrogant, judgmental and self-righteous behavior of a distant family member?
*As a side note, the laptop is no longer a 4 lb Dell-brand boat anchor, but did have to be completely wiped and rebuilt after my last “smart card” malfunction.