the ice storm cometh…

If you believe the news stations, you’d think a frosty Armageddon is nigh… Classic shots of brave reporters, bundled in artic gear, standing next to piles of salt in road maintenance facilities.  Interviews with rugged locals sharing survival tips, steeling themselves against ‘death from the skies’.

Fortunately, i know better. And despite the fact that i haven’t been to the grocery in over a month, and there is nothing in the house to eat except a 3 month old, half-eaten box of frosted wheat cereal, stale granola bars, and some Milk Bone shrapnel even the dog won’t eat, i’m not in a panic.

Unfortunately, the store shelves are under assault!  Not only the grocery stores, but drug stores, hardware stores and even the Quick-e-Marts are being stripped clean by blue-haired old ladies frantic to stockpile goods before the storm hits.

Fortunately, I am clever and lazy.  I called out for enough pizza delivered to my door (which i answered in my bathrobe) – that i can survive for 3-4 days if required.  Oh, and i have beer and a full bar.  Forgot to mention that part… pretty important in the decision-making process.

Unfortunately, the prediction is for 1/4″ of ice, followed by 4″ of snow.  Nothing moves on ice, even the 4WD fucktard-mobiles.  Always fun to see them skidding out of control on ice.  Arrogant, stupid bastards…

Fortunately, given that weather forecasts are ratings-motivated, computer-generated hallucinations filmed in front of a green screen, we’ll likely get about 6 hours of rain and wind… with a temperature around freezing. 

So, stay tuned!  Will daisyfae end up spending a weekend alone with the dog, drinking beer and gnawing on scraps of fossilized pizza? Will the power go out, forcing her to pull out the gas-powered generator she cleverly keeps in the garage?

Um…I just don’t have any gasoline on hand to run it.  And yes, i could theoretically siphon gas from one of the shitmobiles… if they weren’t both on “E”.

(note to self: get shit together. notify media if i do…)

—————-

Winter storm update: Breaking news — despite the best efforts of the media to make something happen, through strategic geographic placement of staff, wearing artic gear, the final result was a short period of ice (between 2am and 3am).  This was followed by about 3 hours of rain… A few accidents in the middle of the fucking night, but nothing caught on tape, suitable for replay on endless loop for the entire season. 

Bottom line – an aura of faux relief on the morning news shows, barely masking bitter disappointment… no regional emmy awards for storm coverage likely from this one.  And i will not have to eat pizza for three days.  Ha!

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14 thoughts on “the ice storm cometh…

  1. You had me laughing from beginning to end of this one, Daisyfae.

    God, I remember the shitty freezing rain that turned to ice. Great weather for curling up by the fire (or under a blanket, if you don’t have a fireplace) with a bottle o’ shine.

    Sounds like you stock up on supplies the same way I do. It’s raining like hell here (I love it) and I’m outta food. No prob! Chico’s pizza for dinner and the
    fossilized remains for tomorrow’s breakfast lunch.

    Yeah!

  2. toby – sad, but true. stream of consciousness… and once i wade through about another 3 hours of steaming work piles, i’ll be under the comforter, awaiting the ‘fiercest winter storm of the decade’… (sigh)

    and what do you mean ‘soon be obsolete’? 😉

  3. kn – ‘fucktardcapades’ – hell yeah, i’d buy a ticket! love to see them on tv saying ‘i ain’t skeered – i’ve got my 4WD Canyonero’. half hour later, they are skidding sideways into a ditch (or my car), finally realizing that 4WD doesn’t really help much in the ol’ stopping department!

  4. cat – warm, practical winter footwear is by definition, fu-ugly! best dealt with while wearing trousers, sparing others from the fu-ugliness. Those “Ugs” that the young hollywood-wannabe types wear? not gonna work in my world… stay warm…

  5. And worse in Winterpeg … but worst of all in Thompson (northern mining town in Manitoba – wouldn’t wish that place on my worst enemy … well, maybe …)

  6. And, you know, cat, if you have the shoes for weather like that, you’ll just have to go out and shovel snow. So it’s better not to have the shoes.

    Daisyfae, (maybe my long lost sister), you’ve hit on one of my pet peeves. Fear mongering on the nightly news and weather.

    Case in point: When there were barely any recorded cases of West Nile Virus around here, it was reported on all the time, with all kinds of dire warnings. Now that WNV is prevalent and bordering on commonplace, we never hear about it anymore. At all. The only thing the news stories did was make people afraid to go outside for awhile, and it sold a lot of mosquito repellent. Assholes.

    It’s snowing like hell in Idaho, too. But they’re used to it. They just go blow the snow away and get on with business.

    oops, sorry for the way too long comment

  7. az – i know it’s much tougher elsewhere… that’s why the damn media folks annoy me so badly! if people don’t like the cold, FUCKING MOVE!!! They have homes in warm places… geez….

    bc – you can never have too many soul sisters! We got the WNV fear festival as well… always watch for it to get worse in Feb and May, ‘sweeps’ month. guarantee they will feature ‘teasers’ for investigative reports on ‘sex for sale’ and ‘when pets kill’ – or some combination thereof “animal indecency”… whatever can titillate… bastards… and feel free to rant away, sister! i’m thinking that’s a big part of the reason why we’re all out here!

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