A New Geriatric Eye Test

My Mom is 79, and in fairly poor health.  But she still lives alone in her house, is very independent and drives.  We’ve been concerned about her eyesight for a few months, and wondering whether she really should be driving. 

I brought her to visit me over the holidays – and used the opportunity to get a better idea of the current state of her vision.  On the drive to my house, she read a few roadsigns, so that was promising.  She could also clearly see the 60′ tall fiberglass Jesus statue along the highway as we drove (more on “Touchdown Jesus”, aka “Swamp Jesus” aka “Jesus of the Interstate” at a later date…).

As part of our weekend together, i modeled the cute little halter dress i would be wearing out for New Years Eve.  This was even more enlightening than my ad hoc vision testing on the road…

Standing 5 feet away from her – across the kitchen – her first words were “that’s a little short, isn’t it?”  Squinting a little bit, she then went on to say “Are you planning to wear a bra with that?”

She demonstrated the visual acuity to spot free-range nipples at 5 feet.  She’s still driving…

In the process, perhaps i’ve discovered a concept to entice a few more senior citizens to take the damn test?

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12 thoughts on “A New Geriatric Eye Test

  1. uw – “Big Butter Jesus” is rather remarkable. Some of my twisted friends want to decorate him for the holidays… maybe a santa hat/birthday cake at christmas, paint on stigmata at easter, etc… we’ve actually calculated the amount of cherry jello it would take to turn that pond bright red (5 lbs, dry jello).

  2. Well you can kill several birds with one stone. Put Jell-O into the pond and let it chill. Then you girls can go ice-skating on your stigmata. Plus, when you spill your vodkas you can act like it’s not an accident and simply lick your drink off the frozen Jell-O pond. Then your lips will stain bright red. No need for lipstick the whole week. After a few spilled vodkas, you will start to fall face first. This will put some color into your cheeks. 🙂

  3. uw – i love my jello shots (“vodka jellies”), so you may be onto something festive here.

    nm – oh, yeah! this could be big fun! only challenge will be dodging all those damned lightning bolts.

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