If you can’t stand the heat (cold?)…

More snow this morning – gorgeous, light and fluffy powder.  Total of maybe 6″, but with a brisk wind, sculpted drifts were forming!  The office opening was delayed, giving me time to shovel…

I was in a rather spectacular mood by the time i hopped in the shitmobile to go to work.  My other car (aka the true love of my life) is a rebuilt ’83 jeep cj-7 <grunt, scratch> but the roads weren’t bad enough to need ground clearance or 4WD, so off i went on unplowed streets – fishtailing a bit as i turned the corner just for fun!

The mood was stolen from me when i encountered the first Snow Pussy.   You know ’em.  They drive 5 mph on merely wet pavement, straddling 2 lanes… white knuckles firmly gripping the steering wheel, eyes like saucers, they can plug up traffic for miles.  They can’t park properly when the lines are obscured by snow – either pulling in about 4′ away from the nearest car, or parking at a rakish angle, throwing off alignment for an entire row.

They’ll be all over my damn TV-tube tonight on the local news, clearing grocery store shelves in a rabid pack in case we get more snow…

All i can say is this:  Move. 

If you don’t like snow, you should go somewhere without snow.  Maybe florida (but then you’d just whine about hurricanes, alligators and cubans).  Maybe the southwest (but you’d just whine about scorpions, rattlesnakes and mexicans).  How about just back under a big damn rock somewhere?

But i recaptured the mood again tonight.  Grabbing a shovel, and sneaking to the house of the widow next door – and no, for those of you of a certain age, she has not been married seven times before – i was able to shovel a little more snow.  You’d be amazed at how difficult it is to do this quietly… 

Mrs. E, my neighbor, is 80 years old.  This autumn, due to work overload, and not having my slave-laborers children home, i was racing against darkness to get my leaves bagged… Mrs. E showed up behind me with a rake to pitch in… And earlier tonight, i saw her out shoveling a path so she could get her trash to the curb.

Snow Pussies?  Take that… if Mrs. E can deal with it, then i think you can too.  Bunch of stinkin’ babies.

8 thoughts on “If you can’t stand the heat (cold?)…

  1. See? What you did for Mrs. E. proves that escape from the Park is feasible. Okay, yeah, the strings go back there as long as family is there. But, you don’t have to, nor do you seem to want to, carry on the tradition. Acknowledge your roots, then die the hell out of them and recreate yourself!

  2. Hi Wanderer – glad you wandered in! Sometimes i wonder if every good deed is simply motivated by guilt… ‘dieing out of my roots’ – tough to do sometimes. got a flamethrower?

  3. As a Confirmed Snow Pussy, I have an observation which I feel is germane to this particularly discussion. The WEST is the BEST!

    That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that Daisy Fae’s a freaking genius. If you are one of the many, many people who realize that trying to force delicate human flesh into the ridiculous and horrible wilds of the Midwest is a vain pursuit rife with hardship, then do as I did, and get the FRAK out. Leave. Go away. Why are people trying to live in such a cold place anyway? It defies logic. It stupefies reason. It makes me vomit in my mouth a little. Oops. A LOT!!!!

    On the other hand, this past weekend has demonstrated that folks in the southwest are extremely worried about the strange and miraculous form of precipitation known to the rest of the country as “rain” (pronounced “RAYN”). As the supple, tanned residents of a certain expensive beach paradise circled around like plastic ants in the wake of a well-placed boot, I simply had to laugh. And laugh. And laugh. Mwha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

    So–snow pussies or rain pussies. Take your pick.

    In conclusion, the West is the Best.

  4. Ah yes, snow…
    There are times when I miss the winter snow, mostly around Christmas, and times when I miss the savage beauty of summer thunderstorms. Mostly, though, I am quite content to live in the Mediterranean clime of San Francisco. I don’t miss the Midwestern winters’ freezing cold or summers’ debilitating heat & humidity, but I do love reading your rants and observations about life on the soil where I was sprouted.

  5. Mark – i adore San Fran. for me, winter is the price we pay for spectacular autumn weather. i like snow, too. if it’s going to be cold, i want the fluffy white stuff on the ground. without it, weather her is depressing as hell.

  6. Pingback: Plowed… « Trailer Park Refugee

  7. Pingback: Anatomy of a Garage Sale « Trailer Park Refugee

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