If you believe the news stations, you’d think a frosty Armageddon is nigh… Classic shots of brave reporters, bundled in artic gear, standing next to piles of salt in road maintenance facilities. Interviews with rugged locals sharing survival tips, steeling themselves against ‘death from the skies’.
Fortunately, i know better. And despite the fact that i haven’t been to the grocery in over a month, and there is nothing in the house to eat except a 3 month old, half-eaten box of frosted wheat cereal, stale granola bars, and some Milk Bone shrapnel even the dog won’t eat, i’m not in a panic.
Unfortunately, the store shelves are under assault! Not only the grocery stores, but drug stores, hardware stores and even the Quick-e-Marts are being stripped clean by blue-haired old ladies frantic to stockpile goods before the storm hits.
Fortunately, I am clever and lazy. I called out for enough pizza delivered to my door (which i answered in my bathrobe) – that i can survive for 3-4 days if required. Oh, and i have beer and a full bar. Forgot to mention that part… pretty important in the decision-making process.
Unfortunately, the prediction is for 1/4″ of ice, followed by 4″ of snow. Nothing moves on ice, even the 4WD fucktard-mobiles. Always fun to see them skidding out of control on ice. Arrogant, stupid bastards…
Fortunately, given that weather forecasts are ratings-motivated, computer-generated hallucinations filmed in front of a green screen, we’ll likely get about 6 hours of rain and wind… with a temperature around freezing.
So, stay tuned! Will daisyfae end up spending a weekend alone with the dog, drinking beer and gnawing on scraps of fossilized pizza? Will the power go out, forcing her to pull out the gas-powered generator she cleverly keeps in the garage?
Um…I just don’t have any gasoline on hand to run it. And yes, i could theoretically siphon gas from one of the shitmobiles… if they weren’t both on “E”.
(note to self: get shit together. notify media if i do…)
Winter storm update: Breaking news — despite the best efforts of the media to make something happen, through strategic geographic placement of staff, wearing artic gear, the final result was a short period of ice (between 2am and 3am). This was followed by about 3 hours of rain… A few accidents in the middle of the fucking night, but nothing caught on tape, suitable for replay on endless loop for the entire season.
Bottom line – an aura of faux relief on the morning news shows, barely masking bitter disappointment… no regional emmy awards for storm coverage likely from this one. And i will not have to eat pizza for three days. Ha!