Roadkill

“The dog was chasing a squirrel and knocked me over…”

“Had to dive into a ditch as one of my elderly neighbors came careening around the corner in his Oldsmobuick Roadbastard…”

“Flashback to the war… No idea where the feeling came from, but i felt compelled to hit the dirt.”

Oh, it would be nice if i could use any of these as an excuse.  The reality is far more embarrassing.

“i tripped over my own right foot while walking my dog.”

i had to explain the creeping bloodstain on the leg of my khaki trousers this morning when i got to work.  Limping, of course.

It was just yesterday that i noted my knee was feeling good.  No residual pain from the basketball injury.  Hitting the gym very regularly, and back on my bicycle due to the early Spring weather, i have been feeling almost unbroken for the past two weeks.

Oops.

Just bruised.  Probably not serious damage.  But bleeding.  Since i was already at work,  i decided to try to wash away the bloodstains on my knee.  Mostly because everyone who saw me offered to go back to their office and try to locate their “Tide” stick*.  One helpful colleague offered me a squeeze bottle of carpet cleaner.

Clean up failed.  Leaving the restroom, my pants leg was blood-stained AND soaking wet.  A fashion statement that screams “Sexy AND professional”.

Once i got the bleeding stopped, and eventually got most of the body fluids out of my clothing, i realized it could have been much worse.

My dog had not yet unleashed his fecal missiles when i hit the pavement.  i’d braced myself during the fall with my right hand — which was NOT loaded with a plastic bag full of dog poo.  And my wrist didn’t snap.  Also a good thing.

What did my loyal canine life partner do when i unexpectedly dropped to ground level during our morning walk?  Wagged his tail, came over and licked my head!  He thought i was playing.

The true beauty of this animal is that his favorite thing is whatever he happens to be doing at the moment.  As charming as this is, it also makes him pretty useless in a crisis.  i should probably reconsider that alarm system

* Proctor and Gamble corporation makes one of the coolest damn things ever.  “Tide Sticks” are instant stain removers.  Useful for food and beverage spills.  Blood?  Not so much…. Unless they now make a version for serial killers.

44 thoughts on “Roadkill

    • i’m fine – bloody scrape on my knee, along with bruises to my leg, wrist and ego! used the peroxide-based cleaner to get the rest of the stains out. along with the cold water, it worked wonders!

  1. Girlfriend told me a story about her co-worker. Walking outside and tripped on her porch. Tore her knee in two places. Won’t walk for months.

    • YES! i hate shopping for clothing. i wear clothes that are older than my youngest engineers at work! these khaki trousers are part of my weeky ‘go to’ rigs — at least once a week. grrr….

    • Should be fine! Plans continue to shift around – so i really have no idea when i’ll be free. Just won’t have the extra day i had last business trip. But if you’d like to offer to carry me? i won’t object… dig out your truss…

  2. Slightly related: When I lie on the floor and do sit-ups at home, Isabel comes and lies on her back next to me. Then I abandon any semblance of exercise and kiss her one million times.

  3. Ouch. Are you OK? At least you didn’t plant your face on the road or in the plastic bag you were carrying as a good corporate citizen. You know that if you had it would have burst.
    We heal our trousers don’t, so it makes a sick sort of sense to be more upset at messed up trousers.

    • my hand stopped the face plant — and yes, i am very thankful my hand (or face!) didn’t land in the exploding poo-bag! There is no hole in the knee – that is also a bit of good luck….

  4. Ouch! Glad you’re not seriously hurt!

    I can relate to dog walking injuries. September 2010 sprained BOTH my ankles- at the same time- while out walking my dog. Laid up in bed for two weeks, crawling to the bathroom, afraid to eat or drink anything because then I’d have to crawl to the bathroom, walked around like Frankenstein’s monster for about two weeks once I could stand on my own two feet again. It was probably 6-8 weeks before I could walk my dog again. It was a full year before they stopped hurting. Now I stick to pavement as much as possible and try like hell to avoid holes in the ground. But also have a life long friend in the man who rescued me and drove me back to my car after the fall. He still stops to chat anytime he sees me out walking my dog. Just wish I could remember his name!

  5. Aaah, Dais, sister of my heart. I currently have a pumpkin sized bruise on my thigh from falling up the stairs. *sigh*. At least my colleagues didn’t lick my head.

    • falling UP stairs? that takes a special talent, my dear! i usually have egg-sized bruises on my lumpy thighs — from walking into the corners of tables. Tables that have generally stayed in the same place for years, so i really should know where they are by now…

    • That photo is not from yesterday morning — more of a ‘stock’ photo of me playing around at a beer festival last summer. i believe i was pretty well hammered, and in the process of napping so that i could get myself functional enough to ride my bike home.

  6. Vanish – we have sticks of that … that works on blood… should I be admitting to this on a public forum like this? What the hell, they’ll never find the bodies ;-)

    • They work on blood? Ooooh — next time i’m in the UK i should stock up. But those stain-removal sticks are pretty amazing, aren’t they? i usually have one in my purse, but switched out purses in December and lost mine…

  7. My kids tell everyone that i’m the only person they know that can trip over an air bubble.
    I’m a huge klutz.
    Surprisingly, I’ve only ever broken my toes. (I did that when I was pregnant … tripping over a wheelchair).
    Bumps, bruises and sprains are part of my daily life. lol

  8. Oh, dear. So sorry! I keep those Tide pens in my desk, because every morning on the drive to work, I stop and get coffee and a sweet and then dribble coffee all over my shirt. At least the only dribble was from your dog.

    • i need to find my Tide sticks! i have them in my travel backpack, and my toiletry bags. i had one in my old purse, but when i changed purses, i lost it. i love my Tide sticks! They even mitigate INK stains when i do something really stupid at work, trying to forestall boredom meetings…

    • i’m sure i’ve done something to deserve this. probably something to do with that ‘martini breakfast’ thing. but i’m mildly vexed as to why i actually fell. morning is not my strong suit, but i walk my dog every single morning, and do not usually fall on my face. just went down – body ‘fail’. weird. but i can tell you, i’m paying a little more attention in the morning as i do this mechanical ‘poo walk’…

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