Blindness and Sight

When the zombie apocalypse comes, and i lose my glasses, it’s all over. i’ll succumb to the walking dead before the first wave is over… You’ll be able to spot me because i’ll be the zombie walking into walls.

i’m virtually blind without corrective lenses.

Before anyone asks, or wants to get into an “I’m blinder than you are” discussion, i don’t know what my fucking prescription is. Just that i’ve never lost the bar game of “glasses passing”. i always win the “Whoa, you really ARE fucking blind” discussion after other folks try on my glasses.

Without really giving it much thought, i always figured that someday my nearsightedness would offset my old eyeball problems that make reading difficult.  That there would be a magic week where i’d be able to see perfectly. 

Nope.  Apparently it doesn’t work that way.  i was being constantly teased by friends and colleagues for my method of pulling my blackberry up to my nose in order to see the text on the screen.  It seems i appear to be deeply cross-eyed when i do this.  Bunch of freakin’ smartasses, they are…

It was a random comment Mom made on one of her recent visits that reminded me i may want to look into corrective surgery.  As she bemoaned the loss of her ability to read, she said “Just goes to show you that it doesn’t matter what your plans are for retirement.  Your body is going to give out on you”.  

i inherited horrible eyesight from both parents, so i’m well down the road to fucked in this regard.  But since i’m a big wuss when it comes to people cutting on my eyeballs, i’ve been reluctant to get an assessment on the ol’ eyeball correction process.

That was before i dropped some serious cash buying two pairs of new eyeglasses – finally giving into the ‘no line bifocals’ that have been necessary for the past five years.  The cost of the surgery is starting to look far more reasonable.  Two more lens updates, and i could either buy surgery or a new car.

With the collection of hobbies still growing, this could become even more of an issue.  When i SCUBA dive, i wear contact lenses, and had to put “reading” lenses in the bottom of my dive mask so i can read my gauges.  if a lens slips off during a dive?  Time to call off the dive and surface.  Knowing your depth, and how much air you have left is fairly important when you’re underwater…

Motorcycling?  Full helmet, with face mask, means wearing glasses is a pain, so it’s contacts there, too…  A snug helmet means the ear pieces grab, and should i choose to turn my head while riding?  The glasses torque.  That leaves me the choice of torqued glasses or not turning my head.  Neither is probably a good option.

With two fresh pairs of glasses, both with bifocal lenses, and a full supply of contact lenses, i should be able to manage for a while.  But we’re overdue for a good zombie virus, and i’m thinkin’ i need to find a better solution….

Bristling…

It’s November.  That brings a few things to mind…

Election Day – Not gonna talk about that.  Voted.  Grumpy.

Thanksgiving – Not gonna talk about that.  Family.  Grumpy.

Movember – Gonna talk about that.  Facial Hair.  Grumpy.

Mustache + November = Movember, which is an international effort to raise awareness for men’s health, raise some cash toward education/research, and give gentlemen across the globe an excuse not to shave for 30 days.

“Awareness” activities - from colored ribbons to community walks to fundraising – have begun to leave me cold.  C’mon.  If there are any adults subjected to these campaigns that aren’t already aware that breast cancer is a disease, i’d like to meet them…and perhaps buy them a television, a newspaper, a magazine or computer.

But Movember strikes a special note with me every autumn.  As i stood in front of the magnifying mirror in my bathroom last night -mindlessly tweezing the stubble from my middle-aged, pre-menopausal lip, it hit me. 

i am a contender.  If i failed to dispose of my ‘stache pixels for 30 days, through my endless battle rhythm of tweezing in between waxing, i could grow one. 

Fucking hormones.

image found here