When i’m surrounded with a big ol’ bucket of stoopid, it is sometimes refreshing to immerse myself in the waters of intellect. i forwarded a “Ten Questions” interview with Stephen Hawking to a couple of my work colleagues, who know that i have a terrible crush on the man*.
But given that my friends also have the maturity of 12-year-old delinquent boys, so much for the waters of intellect. Naturally, the conversation converged onto this question from the interview:
Does it feel like a huge responsibility to have people expecting you to have all the answers to life’s mysteries?
I certainly don’t have the answers to all life’s problems. While physics and mathematics may tell us how the universe began, they are not much use in predicting human behavior because there are far too many equations to solve. I’m no better than anyone else at understanding what makes people tick, particularly women.
Ninjaneer: Right. So how has this guy passed himself off as a brilliant physicist when he can’t score?
RN (sending photo below): Another day solving the mysteries of the universe while getting hammered and doing a threesome. Trying to keep up with this guy is like trying to run on the ’85 Chicago Bears.
photo from here
* When sorting out the realm of “what women find attractive”, i have consistently espoused the position that my primary decision point regarding “men i would ‘do’ vs men i would not ‘do'” is intellectual horsepower. Smart is sexy to me. My friends, of course, challenged me by asking if i thought Stephen Hawking was sexy. To which i replied “not only would i ‘do’ him, but i’d ‘do’ him right there on the floor with all y’all watching!” Talk about a conversation killer….
Trailer Park Refugee 
While the image gained from your italics is awe-inspiring, one wonders about the mechanics. Enquiring minds always have questions – – –
The others in the conversation were either far too proper or were totally inimidated.
even i hadn’t gone there with an actual visualization! they are certainly not my ‘proper’ type of companions, so i’m thinking they were stunned into silence…
I’ve checked my inbox and… nothing. Does this mean I’m off the “to do” list?
of course not. you just need to get a “See n Say” and learn how to pop wheelies in a motorized wheel chair…
I have a crush on Elizabeth Mitchell from “Lost.” Because of her intellect. Obviously.
yeah. intellect rocks. curvy, sweet and tasty intellect.
Stephen Hawking…would I hit that? Probably not. I’m more of a “anyone funny” person. So few people make me laugh out loud. It’s horrible. Seth Green. Seth. Green.
“funny” is just a few angstroms below “smart”. if a man is funny AND smart? i’m a mess. a complete mess… i was never even remotely attracted to Russell Brand until he made me laugh.
I can’t go past Ian McShane. He’s so sexy he just HAS to be intelligent
there are certainly other types of sexy. the “i want to fuck you hard then have you wax my truck” kinda sexy.
Not only does Hawking not have a problem getting laid, he has women fighting over him! I think he’s on his second or third marriage. Mind blowing, to someone like me who always had a bit of a problem with the ladies.
Nurse: I saw Ian McShane in a Harold Pinter play on Broadway and he was creepy as hell. He’s what the guys who took my lunch money away turn into.
would you stop with the “i’ve always had a bit of a problem with the ladies” schtick? you have groupies. shut the fuck up. and those gals are not exactly fighting over him… they seem quite willing to share!
It’s not schtick, my dove. I haven’t had a lot of success. Not very many in my past. It’s just true!
you might have had better luck if you’d have dropped that ‘dove’ shit. sweet, but far to poetic. women want men who are asskickers. (and by the way, i’m STILL not buying it…)
If he’s on his second or third marriage that says to me that his statement in the interview that he doesn’t understand women is the truth. And how sexy/smart can he be if he can’t manage to stay married?
I never found Hawking sexy, personally. I shamefacedly admit to lusting after Sean Connery. Now I’m sort of stuck on Matt Damon. But the one I REALLY like is the one I’m with; he is a grand husband, smart and sexy and tender and a hard worker and a fabulous chef. I think I’ll stick with that one.
being on his third marriage? i suspect he’s worse at math than we think. divorce is EXPENSIVE. but, i’m told, often worth it…
and yes, you have a keeper! you had me at ‘fabulous chef’!
I think intellect and a sense of humor are of paramount importance for me. I think Jon Stewart is extremely sexy. If I still had a uterus, I’d have his baby…
(But I’ve always had a thing for Jewish guys, ever since kindergarten when I fell in love with Danny Z. because he wore cowboy shirts with fringe.)
We’re going to have to do a trailer park wrassle for Mr. Stewart. he wants me, he just doesn’t know it yet! i suppose if you track down Danny, that might have to do…
Hmm… I think if I were to join the hypothetical threesome illustrated, I’d be trying to impress the girl on the left since she appears to be in charge of the drinks.
you, sir, are a man of great intellect and humor! watch your back…
His motorized chair is equipped to give you a reach around after you service him. That’s smart AND considerate.
he runs it off dual 12Volts. the second battery powers the on-board electronics. and by “electronics” i mean “pervert toys”.
I cant believe that was a convo killer. I’m guessing they were all just so excited by the prospect, that they couldn’t speak
i think they were stunned that i not only said it, but rolled my eyes back inside my head while touching myself suggestively.
When this post popped up in my reader and I had a quick glance at the photo, I thought that was you, daisyfae, on the right.
The comments (and your replies) on this post were hilarious. Thanks for the entertainment. And the visuals.
Oh, that’s hysterical! i can’t even be in the same room with a bikini! THAT’S the best laugh i’ve had in a couple days!
“I’d hit that” in the tags. DYING LAUGHING.
Plus, that Hawking groupie on the left is totally sucking it in for the camera. Whatever.
at least she can suck it in. i can suck all day, and there ain’t no ‘in’ happening….
You are easily one of the finest women on the planet. nuff said.
thank you. the feeling is mutual. ‘cept you’re a man and all that…
I would sooooo do Stephen! Smarts are worth it because I’d rather have sex with some one and then have a satisfying conversation in the dark than have sex with some one and realize I’d like to punch them in the face every time they open their mouth with the lights on.
welcome to the park, Cori! i accidently hooked up with a guy who later bragged about watching Fox News. if i’d had a rocket-powered jet pack, i STILL couldn’t have gotten out of that room fast enough.
you might be interested in my patented “Ejecto-Bed”. once a man has fallen into that ‘post-squirt useless reverie’? i hit a button on the night stand, and his side of the bed catapaults him upward and outward.
i am working on a patent for the “Automatic Ceiling Door” to reduce casualties and messes…
Wow. Hawking? Really? He’s a goddamn ventriloquist dummy. I think his “assistants” are the real brains… and, I bet they are surrogate studs for Steve’s wimmin.
Having said that, if I had a uterus (after having struggled with myself over whether I had ‘an’ uterus or not), I think Jon Stewart would be in trouble. Or at least I’d be finding out if he mowed the lawn as well off-camera as he does on…
Um… mowing the lawn. No — like landscaping. Really.
My friend, RN, is brutal – reminds me that “Oh, baby, you got what I need” sounds really good through that Hawking See-N-Say machine… and of course, Mr. Stewart is the thriple threat: smart, funny and quite pretty! yeah. i’d hit that. and not with a lawnmower!