What’s that room for again?

It’s not that i can’t cook.  It’s just that i don’t.  Managing my caloric intake aggressively since January* further reduces the amount of time i spend in my kitchen.  My offspring are used to this, having encountered the empty pantry on more than one occasion. 

While i was out of town last weekend, there were two disasters at the homestead.  The first was an electrical short in an exterior electrical outlet.  That was pretty serious, and the servicing electrician suggested that it could have led to a major garage fire.  Got that fixed earlier this week.  Oh, and replaced all of the batteries in the smoke detectors just in case…

The second issue was the unexpected demise of the microwave oven.  i was relaxed and happy upon return from my second vacation in as many weeks, and wasn’t particularly worried about it.  Especially considering that the house didn’t burn down due to “Near Disaster #1″.  Replacing the microwave wasn’t at the top of my priority list.

Yesterday afternoon, however, i realized just how handicapped i am without that magical invention.  The simple process of making jello shots?  Requires boiling water.  Since the microwave was deader than a stump, i had to resort to figuring out how to turn on my stove and boil water.  In a pan?   Disruptive to my “jello shot fabrication process” to say the least… 

With both of the offspring camping out here this weekend, they were just as lost in the kitchen.  My position was that since there was absolutely nothing edible, nor cookable, in the house, it didn’t matter anyway.  Sound logic, i thought.  But The Girl picked up a cheap microwave while out running errands.  Should hold us over until i get the in-wall unit replaced… eventually. 

After putzing around a bit, she and i later dashed off to the grocery to pick up a few things**.  Unloading our purchases, we managed to restock the fridge, freezer and pantry – even throwing out the expired eggs and a few unrecognizable, shriveled green things mutating aggressively in the nether-fridge. 

The Boy emerged from The Man Cave and was astonished to find activity in the kitchen.  “What?  There’s not only food, but something to cook it with?  Have I emerged into a parallel universe?”

Duuuuude! Stay out of my CD collection....

Duuuuude! Stay out of my CD collection....

*25 pounds gone, 20 more to vaporize…

** She has been given the task of creating a “signature cocktail” for the upcoming wedding of a friend, and needed liquor, fruit and juices for experimentation… In the end?  A concoction of Chambord, Amaretto, Crown Royal and Cranberry Juice – spritzed with club soda – won the competition!  Two drinks later?  i’m thinking we should name it “Fuck Cooking!  Kitchens are for Distillation”, but that’s too long for the name of a drink…

17 thoughts on “What’s that room for again?

  1. I’m trying to lose some weight, too, and I had to START cooking to do so. No more sandwiches all day long. Dang. I know what that room is for, it’s other rooms that are a mystery. Like the bedroom.

  2. You could just call it the “Distilled Kitchen” ;-) I’m amazed at how well I’ve been able to cope without a microwave. Life without a dishwasher, on the other hand …

  3. i love the kitchen – too much in fact. hence the gain of 50# of unwanted flesh over the past few years. *sigh*. although i’ve given up the microwave in favor of a toaster oven. which i love.

    also, the anagram (i hope that’s the right phrase – i’m pre-coffee) for the drink turns out to be “FCKD”.

    just sayin’.

  4. being single i don’t cook much as everything i cook feed me for more days than i am willing to eat it.. i do however really rely on my convection oven/microwave for just about everything,, and i know if mine died,, i would make the long trek over the hill to get a new one post haste….

  5. 25 pounds gone? ….. let me convert that into English …… de dum de dum de dum de dum …….. blimey!!!! Well done Faisydae ….. excellent ……you’ll have to run around in the shower to get wet soon ……..

  6. silverstar – i’m just eating fruit, yogurt and beer mostly… seems to be working… microwave is necessary for popcorn! The Girl comes into town periodically and makes tabbouleh, hummus, or other vegetarian yummies, and thankfully leaves me the excess… oh, and i’m not confused about what the bedroom is for! got that down cold!

    tNb – if it were just me, i wouldn’t use the dishwasher. oy, but the microwave? popcorn! reheating old coffee! nuking frozen ‘desperate fat chick’ meals! i like the idea of a cookbook focused on “alcohol and food”… hmmm…

    alex – i’ve got an assembly line process, and being able to boil a pre-measured cup of water in 4.5 minutes is critical to the production line! my mojo is fucked up if i lose time…

    mstngsal – “rotters”? perfect… i call them the “bins of good intentions”, where i store all the healthy, leafy green things i buy at the local market… and promptly forget about until they are runny bags of organic slime…

    unbearable banishment – both of my sprogs can cook, especially The Girl. it was an apparent survival response of some sort… The Boy, having worked in the pizza industry, can also generate edibles, but mostly survives on frozen heart-attack generation grub…

    gnukid – i like the way you think! padded countertops, leather? slot for inserting quarters to get the ‘magic fingers’ action? could double as an ultrosonic cleaner for jewelery, too…

    daisymae – i like food, just find cooking for one to be a bit of a buzzkill… salads, with meat, are ok. but are consumed in front of the computer – making me feel pathetic. but that’s better than eating standing up over the sink, which also happens. a lot. since it’s bananas and yogurt, i can kinda eat anywhere… LOVE the acronym (anagram is where you mix up the letters i think…)

    paisley – that’s the problem – if i cook something, i feel compelled to eat it until it’s gone. annoying to have fuzzy leftovers, crafted by sweat equity (figuratively speaking, mostly), and abandoned. makes me feel like i can’t commit… oh…. wait… yeah…

    DP – oh, i’m a few dozen pounds from dancing around in the shower. well, as part of a ‘get clean’ routine. or any other routine, i suppose. damn. now i’m stuck with a bad visual of myself. need a beer… ugh…

    jimmy – i lived in Washington, DC for a year. and had carryout menus delivered to my door on a regular basis… i could call out for cuban food, north african food, italian food, indian food, or just pizza… i gained 15 lbs that year!

    fragrant liar – i make gourmet jello shots! orange jello + vanilla vodka = orange creamsicle. pineapple jello + coconut rum = daquiri… and so on… haven’t yet perfected the “pudding shot”, but i’m working on a way to incorporate kahlua… mmmm…..

    renalfailure – “ten minutes”. there’s a thai place that knows me quite well…

    nursemyra – any time you wanna come here to stay, you are more than welcome! i’d never think of enslaving you in the kitchen… that would be a travesty! but feeding you jello shots? oh, yeah…

  7. Pingback: Sallying Forth with Tigereye Sal « Silverstar’s Magical Adventures (and assorted rants)

  8. For me, a great day is one spent cooking all sorts of different things…last Sunday I made gobs of marinara with all the fresh tomatoes I’d bought at the Farmer’s Market the day before. I was happier than a pig in shit.

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