When i was diagnosed with breast cancer last year, i asked my sister, S – a 6 year breast cancer survivor – to help break the news to Mom. Her reaction set the world record for self-absorption. In fact, i wondered if she would simply implode*….
Earlier this week, i encountered it again. This time, because i was pretty sure she was jacked up on anti-anxiety drugs**, and because i’ve simply crossed my tolerance threshold, i decided to be a bit more direct with her about this behavior…
Stepping out of the cath lab to allow the nursing staff to do icky medical things to Mom’s incisions, she and i sat in a waiting area. We’d just learned that Mom will need double bypass.
S (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
daisyfae: You really need to think about what Mom needs. This isn’t about you right now.
S (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
daisyfae: Look, we’re all circling the drain! We can’t change the outcome, we can only affect the path. Freaking out is not doing anything good for the path…
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
daisyfae: Do me a favor. Rent The Lion King. Study the part about “the circle of life”. Let me know what you think.
_____
* oh, if it could only happen this way!
** clearly, an insufficient dosage….
Tags: breast cancer, denial, drama, Lion King, self-absorption, stupidity, Trailer Park, wisdom
March 13, 2008 at 8:07 pm |
S (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
upset waitress: I ate something bad.
S (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
upset waitress: I really gotta go to the bathroom. I’ll be back.…
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
upset waitress: Do me a favor. Smell my finger. Let me know what you think.
March 14, 2008 at 1:12 am |
This is fun:
S (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
kyknoord: Perhaps you need to tighten your grip. Those fries at lunch were probably a bad idea.
S (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
kyknoord: That’s true. The rest of us have jobs.
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
kyknoord: What? Not ever? Well I suppose that explains the cryogenic storage unit in the basement.
March 14, 2008 at 1:59 am |
S: (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
az: Oh good. I thought you were going to make this all about you again.
S: (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
az: Uh huh. It’s called growing up – you should try it.
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
az: Is that how it works on your planet? Do they have flying cars there too?
March 14, 2008 at 6:06 am |
Note: Very enlightening – i’ve been handling this all wrong! This is going to be a lot more fun in the future…
uw – BRILLIANT! I laughed so hard i scared the dog! This would be an effective approach – for me to cope. She clearly wasn’t listening, so nothing said would have registered. i could have been speaking Swahili…
kyknoord – were had been talking about getting rid of the giant freezer in Mom’s garage earlier in the day. the one that hasn’t been opened since 1971. perhaps i can propose cryogenic storage to ‘re-purpose’ the thing?
az – yes, when the conversation first began, i was afraid she was going to stay on the ’selfish’ plane, but she jumped through the hospital Stargate and turned up on Planet Denial…
March 14, 2008 at 10:14 am |
Oh dear Daisy. Your sis needs drugs to make her more like you. Well maybe that’s not such a good idea either. You two would be jumping up and down on your mother’s lungs helping her smoke her last cigarette.
March 14, 2008 at 10:15 am |
I meant jumping up and down on her “chest”….not lungs.
March 15, 2008 at 1:23 am |
Effin brilliant guys!
S (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
mrs bb: Please take your hands of my pootie.
S (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
mrs bb: You’re hurting me, I haven’t waxed this week…
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
mrs bb: Can someone call a medic.
March 15, 2008 at 1:33 am |
S (shaking, on the verge of tears): I can’t take this. I don’t know what I’m going to do without her! I’m not ready to let her go!
bb: My dufer stopped working this morning.
S (working up some angry tears): You just don’t understand. I need her. None of you need her as much as I do. You’ll never understand.
bb: I thinks it has become stuck in the chronosynclastic infidibulum…
S: I don’t want to talk about this! She’s not going to die!
bb: Yeah eh, I have to take this call.
March 15, 2008 at 8:55 am |
uw – jumping directly on the lungs would probably be more effective!
mrs bb – thanks for joining the fun! waxing is truly a committment…
bb – a tub of bacon fat, a crowbar and your iPod should have it all sorted out…
May 12, 2008 at 8:41 pm |
[...] Quick hugs from me and DQ. S went to take her hand, and then completely broke down – as is her habit* – crying and sniveling and saying “I wasn’t going to do this… waaaaah!” DQ and BJ [...]
May 13, 2008 at 7:12 pm |
[...] not to be prematurely taken off life support. S, of course, waved her arms and quit listening, deflecting all that nasty reality Mom offered. DQ and my brother nodded, acknowledged her wishes and [...]
May 14, 2008 at 9:12 pm |
[...] i called my niece, DQ with an update. i told her to call her mother, S (my ridiculously self-absorbed sister), and that i’d contact my other sister and brother. Shortly thereafter, S called me and [...]